30% – time Hugh Jackman had on no shirt
55% – time Hugh Jackman had on a wifebeater or something approximating a very small tank top
10% – time Hugh Jackman was fully clothed
5% – time Hugh Jackman had on no pants
85% – scenes in the movie in which Hugh Jackman popped his eyebrow/looked angry/had veins popping out of his arms/brooded
5% – scenes in which Hugh Jackman was played by a kid
10% scenes in which Hugh Jackman was unconscious, thus unable to pop his eyebrow.
60% – people in the theater for whom showering was apparently optional/got dressed in the dark/bought their wardrobe at Hot Topic
20% – people who thought the characters in the movie could in fact hear them, thus talking to the screen aloud the entire time, saying helpful things to explain the plot, such as “Oh yeah, he bad.”
0% – how much I care that this was “not faithful to the comic books” and “was a horrible injustice to the character of Wolverine” as stated by the people next to me.
100% – amount of the people sitting next to me who were still virgins
75% amount of time I could smell the odor of the girl next to me, which I described in terms I learned on the Howard Stern Show.
95% – chance of the girl next to me owning cats numbering in the double digits by the time she is 40
100% – scenes involving Tim Riggins that would have been improved if he did not speak and was wearing less clothing
100% – amount of the movie husband hated, amount I thought was fun, cheesy, and entertaining
0% – hot chicks in the movie wearing no shirt or something approximating a very small tank top, thus precipitating my husband’s level enjoyment
